Sleeep!!

I have been obsessing with trying to make sure Jude gets all the sleep he possibly can and it's creating problems that now I am trying to fix. Sigh.. There is always something. It has got me thinking though. I really am so lucky to have my little boy home from the long hospital stay and off oxygen and monitors and he is growing and developing more to his chronological birthday and not his due date. I think it may also be the birth of Jude's tiny lil cousin that has got me reminiscent of when he first came to us. How tiny he was and how scared and excited we were. He just meant so much to us and we would do anything to get him home. Now all that is gone and I barely remember it and I start to take things for granted and just wish he would sleep every little second possible. I am so lucky that these are now my worries. How gracious God has truly been to us and there were so many times through all this that I thought he might have turned his back on us and left us in his shadows. Now I know we are directly in his light and are truly blessed. I hope I can always remember that through the hard times to come.

Remembering how tiny he was. When I saw Nyla I couldn't believe Jude was ever that tiny. Yep, he was.



I remember when he was still in the nicu walking in through the huge double doors protecting these little babies from the crazy world outside. I'd walk through get a splat of hand sanitizer "hanitizer" and drop my bag down next to his bed and just stand there and watch him as I rub my hands together hoping to kill anything that might be harmful to my little guy. I would stand so carefully over his little bed and hoover my face over. Just watching so close for any sign that he knows Momma is there. I never got it, but I KNOW he knew when I was there which made it so hard to ever leave cause that of coarse means he knew when I wasn't. This picture sums up a lot of standing and staring time that was done by myself and Marc. We were so worried as any new parents would be, but we would just stand so close and watch. I don't even think we knew what we were watching for. Just felt good to be near.


Now I've got him home with me and I get to worry about things like sleep schedules. I am so truly blessed. Thank you God.